Q: My son was just rejected by his early decision college? I’m trying to stay calm for his sake, but every time I get into my car to drive to work, I panic. Any tips?

A: First of all, give yourself a pat on the back for being a good parent. What your son needs right now is your reassurance, not your doubt.

We’ve seen some parents take their disappointment out on their kid, berating them with I told you so. “I knew that B+ in AP Chemistry would ruin your chances!” “You should have spent more time on your essays!” “I told you that you didn’t have enough community service!!!”

Others lash out at the unfairness of the system, or even their student’s classmates that were admitted. “She’s totally undeserving!!!”

Rejection is hard! And we’ve found that it’s often harder on the parent than it is on the child, especially when they’ve worked hard to achieve a particular goal. For many high achieving teens, a college admission “no” is their first failure. So it is a particularly important time for parents to watch what they say and do. Remember, even as teenagers, they are watching and learning from you. You are modeling for them how they will react to future setbacks… and achievements. Trust me, the achievements will also come!

So here are a few tips:

• Be positive. Nothing can be gained from ruminating about the past.

• Don’t throw blame. The biggest loser in the equation is the college! They’ve missed out on a terrific kid!

• Celebrate the achievements of others. You’d want others to do the same. And they will!

• Have a plan.

At this time of the year, we work with new families to our practice who need a second look at an application, list of colleges for subsequent applications, and admission essays and supplements. Give us a call and ask about our Second Look Assessment. We can help!