It is not uncommon at this time of year to get a few calls from clients who are midway through their first year of college. These are usually students who have experienced the normal homesickness in the first six to eight weeks of college but have settled into campus life, have begun to make friends, and are getting a handle on the workload. Just when their parents let out a sigh of relief, winter vacation comes around, and their child comes home for break.
Once they get together with their high school friends, the back-and-forth may begin to sound like two shoppers discussing the great buys they got at a clothing sale: one-upmanship prevails. No matter what your child may be saying about the positive aspects of their college experience, their friends seem to have it better. Having no reason to doubt their friends or suspect exaggeration, they believe what they are told and develop a sense of dissatisfaction with their own college. Suddenly, the transfer drums begin to beat.
This scenario frequently generates great angst on the part of parents who thought that they had guided their student well. The options were well-considered and researched. How could they have gotten it wrong?
Should this situation present itself, it is important to remember that much of the anxiety is due to the sudden realization that old friends miss each other. Try to get your child to realize is that simply being on the same campus with their BFF will not bring back the glory days of high school.
Remind your child about the reasons they chose their college in the first place. Emphasize the positive aspects of their experiences to date. Ask them what they have shared on social media and with friends and family about college so far. Most likely, it's been crisp fall days, tailgates, and smiles - just like their friends! No one posts about those times when they felt lonely, or when they questioned whether they could do the work, or when the fought with their roommate, or when they really missed their dog. No college experience is perfect; it's what you make of it that matters.
If the nagging doubts persist, allow your student to explore transfer opportunities on their own, only minimally guiding the process. If that responsibility is thrown in your lap, the desire to change schools is not a serious one. And even if the transfer process does come to fruition, by May, students are often deeply entrenched in campus life and will choose to stay put.